Question for coaches regarding *hole Parents

[Unregistered]

This is tryout time and I know that coaches are busy looking at the quality of the kids that are coming out to join their team. I am curious if the coach ever considers the reputation of the kid's parents when deciding to take him on or not. What if the kid is talented but the parent is a well-known a-hole? And by ahole I mean he complains a lot, or shares his opinions about how he would position players, etc.

I'd like to hear from the coaches if they just tend to hope for the best or if they would ever reject a kid because of his parents. (That would be really sad for the kid, unless he is an ahole too)

[Unregistered]

This is tryout time and I know that coaches are busy looking at the quality of the kids that are coming out to join their team. I am curious if the coach ever considers the reputation of the kid's parents when deciding to take him on or not. What if the kid is talented but the parent is a well-known a-hole? And by ahole I mean he complains a lot, or shares his opinions about how he would position players, etc.

I'd like to hear from the coaches if they just tend to hope for the best or if they would ever reject a kid because of his parents. (That would be really sad for the kid, unless he is an ahole too)

I know of two instances where this has happened and at two different clubs. But the parents have to be REALLY bad. I've never done it but i'd be a lier if I said I never entertained the idea.

[Unregistered]

This is tryout time and I know that coaches are busy looking at the quality of the kids that are coming out to join their team. I am curious if the coach ever considers the reputation of the kid's parents when deciding to take him on or not. What if the kid is talented but the parent is a well-known a-hole? And by ahole I mean he complains a lot, or shares his opinions about how he would position players, etc.

I'd like to hear from the coaches if they just tend to hope for the best or if they would ever reject a kid because of his parents. (That would be really sad for the kid, unless he is an ahole too)

If the kid is an ***hole, 9 times out of 10 the parent is an ***hole. But if the kid has a bad attitude, that is one of the things coaches are looking at during tryouts. Dump him. If it's just the parent, gotta give the kid a chance.

Disclaimer: I no longer coach, but I have coached in my past.

[Unregistered]

I coached for 20 years, just never soccer.

I left coaching because of parents and to watch my DD play soccer.

I gave the kid a chance... but not the parent.

[Unregistered]

We are at Pacific so it is select--so I think that makes a difference in my thought process.

I have passed on good kids where I knew their parents would/could damage my year.
I have passed on a great kid who had a terrible attitude, didn't feel his contributions would offset the drama he would create during the year.

I did think for a moment that I could change them but was talked out of it. And I probably made the right decision in all three cases.

[Unregistered]

Communication is Key

I've usually had great parents; but yes I would pass on a kid if the parent was too disruptive. You're the coach of the team and that means the whole group. The disruptive parent impacts all of them. I will say, however, it's a two way street. Parents become demanding and "disruptive" when there's a lack of communication and transparency. Be straight with the kids, and be straight with the parents. It makes a difference.

[Unregistered]

Your right.

I've usually had great parents; but yes I would pass on a kid if the parent was too disruptive. You're the coach of the team and that means the whole group. The disruptive parent impacts all of them. I will say, however, it's a two way street. Parents become demanding and "disruptive" when there's a lack of communication and transparency. Be straight with the kids, and be straight with the parents. It makes a difference.

If coaches and clubs tell the unvarnished truth, rarely are there problems. Between the two DD's I have that went through youth soccer to play in college, only one guy was a problem. He was asked to stand apart from the parents and then asked not to attend at all. The mistake made was that the player was quite deficient in her play compared to the other players. The mother had a good friend in the main office of the club. Everyone knew why she was there. She never should have been allowed on the team, particularly since the young age meant equal playing time for all regardless of coming to practice, trying hard, etc. Coaches rarely have problems with parents, unless they cause or create the problems themselves.

[Unregistered]

You should always err on the side of a good kid with a good attitude. Good clubs and and good coaches should be up front with the parent if they are perceived as an issue.

[Unregistered]

Coach Parents too

It may not be what youth coaches have in mind when they start their career but a big part of their job is coaching parents. As has been said above if you are honest and straight forward about their child's abilities and the process you are going to use to determine playing time you will rarely have a problem and if you do you can remind the parent of what was said in the beginning.

You would be amazed at how easily it is to improve a parents "game" with a little education and communication! Yes there will be an exception but 9 out of 10 times all it takes to reign in a disruptive parent is communication.

[Unregistered]

Agreed. The vast majority of parents only want the best for their children and are operating under good intentions. Even so, they may not even realize that what they are doing is creating issues or havoc. To me as a coach and a parent I think communication is absolutely hands down the best way to avoid a parent problem. It isn't what any coach wants to hear but parents are our clients. Every once in a while there is a parent that cannot be tolerated and talking doesn't change anything. IN these instances you have to weigh your options. Then it comes down to where the kid's heart is and if the parent is out there alone. If it is only a parent problem (child is fine) then have the parent remove themselves. If they don't like that they will likely remove their child which will nullify the issue.

[Unregistered]

What if your A*hole parent is the coach or the assisstant coach?

[Unregistered]

Agreed. The vast majority of parents only want the best for their children and are operating under good intentions. Even so, they may not even realize that what they are doing is creating issues or havoc. To me as a coach and a parent I think communication is absolutely hands down the best way to avoid a parent problem. It isn't what any coach wants to hear but parents are our clients. Every once in a while there is a parent that cannot be tolerated and talking doesn't change anything. IN these instances you have to weigh your options. Then it comes down to where the kid's heart is and if the parent is out there alone. If it is only a parent problem (child is fine) then have the parent remove themselves. If they don't like that they will likely remove their child which will nullify the issue.

Two kinds of parents get under my skin from time to time. First is the one that is too hard on their own kid. The kid is already frustrated no need to have a parent telling them they are messing up. The other is the parent that is constantly giving me his pointers. I like talking with these parents because they know soccer but I don't want to encourage them to much either. I don't care if they want to second guess me but don't do that all the time with the other parents.

[Unregistered]

What if your A*hole parent is the coach or the assisstant coach?

Worst of all worlds. Move to new team. Fast.

[Unregistered]

I'm not a coach, but I have seen this situation crop up a few times.

We moved here a few years ago and our previous location was soccer rich with clubs. Bad parent reputations got around to all of the parents and coachs. Fast. Coaches would usually take an exceptional player with bad parents, but would lay down the law with them early. In a few instances, the player was not taken on a team due to their parents. They had to move to an inferior team or play up to find a team willing to take them.

Here in Portland, I saw a situation where the kid was not taken due to their parents. Too bad as it really hurt the kid, who did nothing wrong. That's the worst situation I have seen. You shouldn't punish the kid, punish the parents.

[Unregistered]

I don't care if they want to second guess me but don't do that all the time with the other parents.

Sorry coach, you are going to get second guessed by parents whether you like it or not. It's probably going on with many of the parents but you are just unaware of it. If you are a paid coach, it comes with the territory. Parents who have never played the game are pretty observant, especially after watching years of soccer. They notice when players don't give effort, don't have good skills, don't have speed, .... and when a coach continues to play kids who are deficient or play them in positions that hurt the team, you will get second guessing. Hey my wife never played HS sports but she notices things on the field and wonders why the coach is making the decisions he is making. We are currently on a team with a great coach and every time I see something on the field that is bad, it isn't long before I see the coach making a change. I'm not saying the coach is great because he is apparently seeing the game the same way I am seeing the game, he is great because of all the awards he has received and what he has done with all of his teams.