Why your kid is not playing

[Unregistered]

They don't want to talk about it because no matter what they do there will be a group of unhappy parents. Play everyone in the name of development and parents of the "superstars" will be pissed Johnny didn't play the whole game. Better yet, if the team loses because of those "bench players" then competitive families will leave looking for the "winning team" with the best record. Flip that - if they don't play a set of players, obviously those parents and kids get dis-satisfied and will also probably leave. Since those players are likely not caliber for that team that would be the preferred route. Clubs want to keep their better players and discretely push the weaker ones out the door. I can't blame them - they need to win to keep customers coming through the door. Coaches need to win to keep their jobs. It's a business.

Net/net, as others have said, it's up to the parents to guide their child to a level that is appropriate for the player. Who doesn't want to play on the prestige team with the cool uniforms? But if they find it isn't working then they need to have a frank discussion with the coach. Better to cut bait and move on quickly then continue to struggle and get more frustrated, possibly even quit the sport all together. We were lucky enough to have a coach a few years back who was very honest with one of our kids. We dropped her down a level and it was the absolute right thing to do. She's still playing and having fun. Ultimately that's what every parent SHOULD hope for, but too many times they want much more than what their child can realistically attain

Disagree. Every team needs starters and bench players. The problem arises when the bench players think they should be starting. A quiet conversation after tryouts or after the season would quell 90% of this. If the coach told the player that he/she sees them in a bench role and there may be games where they do not get to play at all, the player could then decide if that was the best spend of their time to practice/train at a higher level in the hopes of improving or moving to a lesser team for a larger role. Communication of expectations. Simple. There will always be players who want to come play for the "A" team, the bench players tend to rotate in and out. Starters not so much.

[Unregistered]

Yup. Poor communication by coaches, and perhaps also parents who are too afraid to seek the truth and ask the hard questions

[Unregistered]

Yup. Poor communication by coaches, and perhaps also parents who are too afraid to seek the truth and ask the hard questions

Or parents who don't want to face reality. If your child is playing 10-15 minutes a game there is reason for it. Too many parents want to play the coach, no need to ask tough questions, just easy questions on what s/he needs to work on but even that is most likely already known. You already know the answer to the "tough" questions, it's right there in front of you, just check your watch during the match. You just don't like the answer.

[Unregistered]

This is very true on the boys side too. You can't convince a parent to have his child play on a B team the entire game instead of sitting on the bench for 90% of a top team game. CRAZY!

True story ... a mom bitched and bitched about her daughter not making a club's A team (she was originally placed on B team). Somehow this girl "magically" appeared on A team by season start, but the coach seeing she wasn't a very strong player gave her less time than his starters (but equal to the other lowest bench players). Then this mom proceeded to pull out her iPhone during games and time her kids playing time very publically and then complain to the coach that she was not getting enough. It makes me want to scream. As a parent, I cannot understand how another parent would be so delusional as to think that this is a reasonable course of action. Her daughter would have been a starter on the B team and received lots of field time, but because of her bitching she ends up on the A team and then mom has the balls to then complain about her playing time. The club is just as responsible for cow-towing to the pressure. So once again the adults screw the kids. This girl deserves better all around.

[Unregistered]

Or parents who don't want to face reality. If your child is playing 10-15 minutes a game there is reason for it. Too many parents want to play the coach, no need to ask tough questions, just easy questions on what s/he needs to work on but even that is most likely already known. You already know the answer to the "tough" questions, it's right there in front of you, just check your watch during the match. You just don't like the answer.

You hit it right on the head. They are afraid to ask the tough question because they are afraid of the answer. You can't hide from the coach and then later blame them for screwing your kid. The only difference between this parent and the club jumper is the club jumper at least asks the question. Those types don't end up facing reality any more than the ones that don't ask, they are just a little more aggressive.

[Unregistered]

My very first club soccer experience many years ago was at my kid's tryout for a younger age group, where several of the club's coaches and directors took parents inside to gather in one of the complex's meeting rooms. The coaches posed a simple question to the 150 or so parents.

Which would you prefer -- your kid making the A team and not playing very much or making the B team and playing a lot?

Needless to say the debate that ensued was lively and very entertaining. The obvious take away was how much that discussion reflected first rather than third person.

[Unregistered]

True story ... a mom bitched and bitched about her daughter not making a club's A team (she was originally placed on B team). Somehow this girl "magically" appeared on A team by season start, but the coach seeing she wasn't a very strong player gave her less time than his starters (but equal to the other lowest bench players). Then this mom proceeded to pull out her iPhone during games and time her kids playing time very publically and then complain to the coach that she was not getting enough. It makes me want to scream. As a parent, I cannot understand how another parent would be so delusional as to think that this is a reasonable course of action. Her daughter would have been a starter on the B team and received lots of field time, but because of her bitching she ends up on the A team and then mom has the balls to then complain about her playing time. The club is just as responsible for cow-towing to the pressure. So once again the adults screw the kids. This girl deserves better all around.

That's the problem with pandering to the whiners. I don't think it's deliberate, more like "how can I get this nutcase out of my hair?" But other parents see it and rightfully take the cue that whining pays. See it all the time.

[Unregistered]

That's the problem with pandering to the whiners. I don't think it's deliberate, more like "how can I get this nutcase out of my hair?" But other parents see it and rightfully take the cue that whining pays. See it all the time.

I totally agree. The squeaky wheel might get the grease, but the kids end up with the deflated tires.

[Unregistered]

My very first club soccer experience many years ago was at my kid's tryout for a younger age group, where several of the club's coaches and directors took parents inside to gather in one of the complex's meeting rooms. The coaches posed a simple question to the 150 or so parents.

Which would you prefer -- your kid making the A team and not playing very much or making the B team and playing a lot?

Needless to say the debate that ensued was lively and very entertaining. The obvious take away was how much that discussion reflected first rather than third person.

Here is a general rule. If the team is a supposedly an "elite" level team the starters should be expected to play 75% of the minutes. If the team is a true "B" team it is more of a farm team type of mentality and the starters should actually be there trying to move up to the "A". In that case the starters should be expected to play about 60% of the minutes. Any team ranked "C" or below should really have more of a recreational focus and parents should expect equal playing time. A big part of the problem is too many "B" teams think they are really "A's" so the expectations get all screwed up. If a parent wants equal playing time they should go find a "C" team.

[Unregistered]

Here is a general rule. If the team is a supposedly an "elite" level team the starters should be expected to play 75% of the minutes. If the team is a true "B" team it is more of a farm team type of mentality and the starters should actually be there trying to move up to the "A". In that case the starters should be expected to play about 60% of the minutes. Any team ranked "C" or below should really have more of a recreational focus and parents should expect equal playing time. A big part of the problem is too many "B" teams think they are really "A's" so the expectations get all screwed up. If a parent wants equal playing time they should go find a "C" team.

Oh boy. What book did you read that in? If your child is playing on highly competitive team then the core starters will play the entire game or almost the entire game. If they played less they wouldn't be at that club. Sometimes life isn't fair, if you really want fair play town.

[Unregistered]

Oh boy. What book did you read that in? If your child is playing on highly competitive team then the core starters will play the entire game or almost the entire game. If they played less they wouldn't be at that club. Sometimes life isn't fair, if you really want fair play town.

Even on the best teams you always need to play your bench in order to prepare them. Never know when you might need a player to step up. Coaches that don't aren't very good coaches.

[Unregistered]

Even on the best teams you always need to play your bench in order to prepare them. Never know when you might need a player to step up. Coaches that don't aren't very good coaches.

Not to mention the fact the bench kids are the ones actually paying!

[Unregistered]

Even on the best teams you always need to play your bench in order to prepare them. Never know when you might need a player to step up. Coaches that don't aren't very good coaches.

Playing yes, a few minutes less than core starters? Doesn't happen and shouldn't.

[Unregistered]

Playing yes, a few minutes less than core starters? Doesn't happen and shouldn't.

At what age? U17 or U11 or possibly both? Maybe U9 even.

[Unregistered]

At what age? U17 or U11 or possibly both? Maybe U9 even.

If you have a chart for how much playing time percentages players should get then you really should consider town soccer only. Its better for you and your child. Highly competitive soccer is not for everyone, that might be the real issue here.