Why your kid is not playing

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I will suggest that this is a misperception of what reality is. You can go to any level of any sport and you will find players that are viewed to be relatively weaker than the top players on the team. The idea that there is a team out there were all of the players are equally strong (and motivated) is nothing but a fantasy. What you are seeing is a natural part of development and anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is merely trying to sell roster spots. Your son has a development curve very similar to his growth curve on his pediatricians chart. The percentages are obviously relative to others but the actual path of the line really has not relationship to them at all. His development is more a function of him and how hard HE works than of the players you surround him with. Just keep in mind that truly great players are always better than those around them and yet they develop in spite of that fact.

I personally believe that when possible, it's best to fall in the middle of a team from a development standpoint. Not at the top and not at the bottom.

Of course he'll grow and improve based on how hard he works and what he puts into it. However, being around quicker, stronger more skilled players will help a lot more than being around slower and less skilled players.

I understand that all teams have differing levels of hard workers and those who are committed, however in his particular situation the interest level and speed of play is greater on the A team.

[Unregistered]

I will suggest that this is a misperception of what reality is. You can go to any level of any sport and you will find players that are viewed to be relatively weaker than the top players on the team. The idea that there is a team out there were all of the players are equally strong (and motivated) is nothing but a fantasy. What you are seeing is a natural part of development and anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is merely trying to sell roster spots. Your son has a development curve very similar to his growth curve on his pediatricians chart. The percentages are obviously relative to others but the actual path of the line really has not relationship to them at all. His development is more a function of him and how hard HE works than of the players you surround him with. Just keep in mind that truly great players are always better than those around them and yet they develop in spite of that fact.

Thanks for this BTDT. Very helpful and now we know what to do at our next tryouts.

[Unregistered]

I have a U11 son in this exact situation. He's on a B team and plays 100% of the game. We're ok with it as it's his first year of club and he's getting a lot of playing time.

He and maybe 2 others play 100%. The others play close to 50%. Sometimes more, sometimes less.

The downside in his situation is that there are several players that just aren't that great, for a variety of reasons.

If he was on the A team, he'd be playing with much stronger players which would help him to improve. While he's still improving now, I suspect the rate of growth would be quicker if he was playing with stronger players.

I wouldn't want him on the A team for 10% of game time, but would consider it for 30%. For us, it has nothing to do with the team record or status but with development. I'd let him make the final decision though.

So on the a-team is a parent that is saying, why does my good player have to play with your B player...why make the better kids play down to your level!

[Unregistered]

Or parents who don't want to face reality. If your child is playing 10-15 minutes a game there is reason for it. Too many parents want to play the coach, no need to ask tough questions, just easy questions on what s/he needs to work on but even that is most likely already known. You already know the answer to the "tough" questions, it's right there in front of you, just check your watch during the match. You just don't like the answer.

OK so what about the player who gets 1/3 of the time as those that basically play the whole game, But is tied in goals and assist with those same players? Why is that player not getting more playing time?

[Unregistered]

This article is so funny. On the one hand, the author suggests we should believe that all coaches are infallible judges of talent. On the other hand, the author mentions that his kid's coach was fired because he was incompetent. Fact is, in sports like soccer, a kid doesn't play because, IN THE COACH'S OPINION, the kid isn't very good. Many times different coaches have different opinions of what a player can contribute. Just because one coach doesn't play a kid does not mean the kid isn't good enough. You see it every time a pro team changes coaches. Some players suddenly become starters and others suddenly get benched.

Bingo we have a winner. Most sound statement I've read on this post so far.

[Unregistered]

So on the a-team is a parent that is saying, why does my good player have to play with your B player...why make the better kids play down to your level!

You got it and they are right to feel that way.

[Unregistered]

OK so what about the player who gets 1/3 of the time as those that basically play the whole game, But is tied in goals and assist with those same players? Why is that player not getting more playing time?

Could be lots of reasons. Could be a large roster. Could be your kid plays MF and those kids are switched out more frequently. Could be attitude or work ethic.

Good soccer is more than just goals and assists.

[Unregistered]

So on the a-team is a parent that is saying, why does my good player have to play with your B player...why make the better kids play down to your level!

You got it and they are right to feel that way.

There are always kids on the bottom of the A team who are no better (or not much better) than kids at the top of the B team.

Noone is saying that an A player has to play with a B player. What we're saying is B players can and do move up. Players grow at different rates.

Don't assume your U10/11/12 A player will always be there. He might peak and others can and likely will catch up.

[Unregistered]

This article gets half it right... Many cases kids sit because they should. Other times kids sit because coach has a style he's looking for and your kid many not meet that.. My kid was leading scorer (18 goals) with 2nd on his team with only 9. But yet he sat for long stretches,,, why? attitude? nope...

He sat for 2 reasons.... Coaches was dad of one player who also played same position or wanted to. My kid passed and played in control, wheres coach liked gazelles who would run all over place regardless of result of those efforts.

So while article loves to be controversial and "call it like it is", most times there's more to a story when your kid sits. But at end of day, life ain't fair and I tell my kid that once in awhile. Don't like it, prove them wrong!

[Unregistered]

This article gets half it right... Many cases kids sit because they should. Other times kids sit because coach has a style he's looking for and your kid many not meet that.. My kid was leading scorer (18 goals) with 2nd on his team with only 9. But yet he sat for long stretches,,, why? attitude? nope...

He sat for 2 reasons.... Coaches was dad of one player who also played same position or wanted to. My kid passed and played in control, wheres coach liked gazelles who would run all over place regardless of result of those efforts.

So while article loves to be controversial and "call it like it is", most times there's more to a story when your kid sits. But at end of day, life ain't fair and I tell my kid that once in awhile. Don't like it, prove them wrong!

This is why kids quit sports. A, because you have some jerk parent who takes the fun out of it, and B, because their parents then go to war with that person and the fight embarrasses the crap out of them.

This is why you have club sports. Walk away and smile while you are doing it. Go find a place where it is a positive experience so if your kid enjoys themselves maybe some day they might turn into something of a player. The other way results in too much negativity and is sure to result in them quitting the sport.

[Unregistered]

This is why kids quit sports. A, because you have some jerk parent who takes the fun out of it, and B, because their parents then go to war with that person and the fight embarrasses the crap out of them.

This is why you have club sports. Walk away and smile while you are doing it. Go find a place where it is a positive experience so if your kid enjoys themselves maybe some day they might turn into something of a player. The other way results in too much negativity and is sure to result in them quitting the sport.

Add to the reasons of quitting is often times they are pushed up too far, then they sit, become frustrated and quit. Part of the art in all of this is finding the right level for your child to play and a coach that will develop their potential at that level. Too many parents want their kids on the A team at the top club when they really shouldn't be there.

[Unregistered]

Add to the reasons of quitting is often times they are pushed up too far, then they sit, become frustrated and quit. Part of the art in all of this is finding the right level for your child to play and a coach that will develop their potential at that level. Too many parents want their kids on the A team at the top club when they really shouldn't be there.

You seem to be laying all the blame for this situation on the parents. There is another side of the coin which is there are way too many coaches out there who use these kids and their families to further their personal ambitions. There are way too many "white lies" being told in this environment to lay all of the blame on the parents. The single biggest problem in youth sports really is that there is absolutely no objectivity left in them. That fact that we have pages upon pages here debating why a kid is sitting on the bench pretty much proves that.

As frustrating as it may be, parents need to come to the realization that if their child is sitting on the bench it simply means they are not destined to be one of the chosen few in their sport. I don't care what the level is, those kids destined to be one of the chosen few never sit because those are the kids that win games for teams. The sooner parents recognize whether your child is one of the chosen ones or one destined to be part of a supporting cast the happier everyone will be. The reality is that in the world of sports, the supporting cast is always viewed as changeable so parents with a cast member should plan their child's sports endeavors accordingly. Eventually their kid is going to get to a place where they will be sitting on the bench and their sports career will functionally be over.

Fairness in youth sports is something entirely different than fairness in competition. Fairness in competition is about leveling the playing field so both teams have an equal shot to win, not so each player on the team has an equal shot to play. If you want fairness for your child then you need to go find a program where the competitive outcome doesn't really matter.

One of the problems with youth sports right now is that the clubs have a profit motive and are blurring the focus of their programs so they will have more of a mass appeal and their roster spots become more desirable. They market "C" teams as "B" teams and "B" teams as "A" teams. The little "white lies" that do that blurring are as much to blame for the "whacky" parents as the insecurity within those parents that begets a lot of the craziness that we all complain about. There really are two sides of that coin.

[Unregistered]

Add to the reasons of quitting is often times they are pushed up too far, then they sit, become frustrated and quit. Part of the art in all of this is finding the right level for your child to play and a coach that will develop their potential at that level. Too many parents want their kids on the A team at the top club when they really shouldn't be there.

Add to the reasons of quitting is often times the parent wants the kid to be there more than the kid does.

I recently overheard a dad say to his wife "Noone at 10 years old makes these choices, we have to make it for him."

To which his wife replied, "I have enough to do. If he doesn't want to do something, we shouldn't make him do it."

My son is 10 and begged to join club. If he didn't want to do it, we'd be happy to save the $. In fact, he knows that it's a privilege that needs to be earned by hard work, dedication, healthy habits etc. etc.

Club soccer is an amazing thing and can teach numerous life lessons. However, it's not for everyone.

If your kid doesn't WANT to play, find something else he enjoys.

[Unregistered]

I love these responses.... Oh every kid who moves on is somehow embarrassed that their Mom (or Dad) stood up for them and got them into right situation. Sorry that's not always the case.

Oh and by the way, my kid isn't going pro... and yours ain't either... And you won't be coaching in MLS.... It's not just the players that need to come to this realization...

Soccer should be more fun than it is in many clubs....

This is why kids quit sports. A, because you have some jerk parent who takes the fun out of it, and B, because their parents then go to war with that person and the fight embarrasses the crap out of them.

This is why you have club sports. Walk away and smile while you are doing it. Go find a place where it is a positive experience so if your kid enjoys themselves maybe some day they might turn into something of a player. The other way results in too much negativity and is sure to result in them quitting the sport.

[Unregistered]

I love these responses.... Oh every kid who moves on is somehow embarrassed that their Mom (or Dad) stood up for them and got them into right situation. Sorry that's not always the case.

Oh and by the way, my kid isn't going pro... and yours ain't either... And you won't be coaching in MLS.... It's not just the players that need to come to this realization...

Soccer should be more fun than it is in many clubs....

That's quit the song you are playing. You have an awful lot of images all conjured up in your mind and a whole lot of anger attached to them. Just remember that for every 100 of your kids there IS 1 who will go on to use soccer for something more than exercise. Sorry but if you want things to be more fun why don't you organize a pick up team and play some indoor soccer. Then you and your kids can have all the fun you want.