Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

A letter to Coach

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    #31
    Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
    Sad......sad is what this reply is. A reply from one of the parents with the clique daughter. First, this is a the type of parent that is part of the problem that might even see the cliques and isolations but cherishes it when his kid is part of the larger group.

    Second, I would hope every parent is protective of their child and figures out a way to get their child to a point of feeling great about being out on what ever field or in whatever arena they are in.

    The OP story is also third hand. However, it doesn't really matter who is telling the story, it is a real phenomena and what that is necessary. To be sure, it is not limited to girls as my son has gone through it as well. There are several levels to this and one should not minimize the role of the coach. Kids and teenagers are going to be who they are as they develop socially. There will always be leaders and followers and the 'alpha-male' exist for girls as well as for boys. The situation is more harsh when the larger group starts the teasing further isolates the 'runt' of the litter. Kids are not different than a pack of animals. While the 'alphas' are trying to exert their authority, the runts become the target of negative commentary. Developmentally, this is how kids try to get around their own insecurities and doubts.....by making someone else look bad. It is a pathologic way to develop and somewhat reflective of the parents.....like the one above.

    If it is your kid who has been isolated, there are three ways around it. The easiest way, and what was done in this OP story, is to remove the child. Although it does depend on how much the child is 'suffering' or hates it, however, this route does not teach your child anything other than quitting. Although it can be misconstrued as 'if you don't like something just walk away', it does not teach someone how to handle adversity nor how to become more accepted.

    A second route is to talk to the coach or the assistant coach. By and large, this is an under-appreciated part of the problem and more so for younger kids (10-14) who have not really developed leaders with maturity or proper direction. The coaches, however, are supposed to be mature leaders. To see it and do nothing is irresponsible. Although the role of the coaches is to teach soccer skill and the game, they are also supposed to promote the 'team' and incorporate all. To do anything less is a failure of the coach. The coach is supposed to support each kid equally and provide a developing environment. Anything less is a failure of the coach. To go one level lower, in my kids case, the coach was teasing the 'runt' as well. When I approached the assistant coach about this, I was told that they didn't get involved in the social aspects of the team.

    The third route is to teach your child how to deal with adversity. Assuming that your kid really enjoys the game and isn't on the field to satisfy the parent, then the lesson can be taught and can be very valuable. The parent has to be the support structure for the kid since the coaches and teammates are not providing that for him/her. When the game is no longer fun then development suffers and the kid spirals downward. When the player no longer feels free to play the game, try new things, and risk making mistakes then development is lost. For us, my kid and I kicked around more which provided the more 'fun' part. It is up to the parent to help develop confidence and security. Some kids have it naturally, and many more don't. When she went to practices, I instructed to 'prove to all the others that she was as good' and if there were any doubts that she 'should prove them and the coaches wrong'. To do so included an increase in necessary and appropriate aggressiveness during practices and games. This might even include more physical play and perhaps directed more at one of the more vocal teammates.....the loud-mouth (child of the above poster). Although this might sound like negative teaching it is simply a way to remove self fear and to remove insecurity. From this point on, my kid played much better, became a more significant part of the team, and was more accepted. Their were still the alpha's who were the same (probably child of the poster above), but even that one was more quiet.

    There are different ways to handle this, but you, as the parent, should not expect others to do your work for you. You might like to see cooperation from the coaches, and perhaps other parents, but don't expect them to notice what is happening or not happening to your child. That is your job. At a risk of defending the coaches behavior (I am not), but for a coach of 16-18 kids, the more aggressive kids who are hustling are always going to get more support since each coach is looking to win. This is, in part, counter toward development of the less aggressive and energetic kids and might even send the message that the coach is less concerned or directed toward some. Welcome to youth sports in todays world. However, it is part of life and all have to learn how to deal with it.
    Long winded, this.
    These are trivial aspects to growing up and used to be treated as such.
    Like the game she is playing, it will mean nothing in 3 or 4 years.
    But not today, where almost every parent feels they have to compensate for the "sins of our fathers".
    More angst over soccer in this country than the failures of the educational system.

    Comment


      #32
      Parents need to teach their children that the best players truly make everyone around them better. That is the sign of an elite, national level player.

      Parents are the primary problem with developing the toxic behavior. They think their kid is the best, tell them to hold the ball, shoot more, don't pass to so-and-so. Coaches also need to look out for it and shut it down.

      Stop with the selfish play and jealousy and just play/win as a team.

      Comment


        #33
        Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
        Because your kid needs to grow a set, that's why you shouldn't involve the coach. Kids can be tough, but if they belong skill-wise, they'll accept them. If not? Move on. There's 5 billion people out there and we all aren't going to agree.



        When does it end?

        Rough time at the school dance? Write a letter to the chaperone.

        Issues at the college dorm? RA gets as talking to.

        Hard time integrating at the new job for Big Corp, because they replaced SlackerSteve that everybody loved, but was useless? By all means, e-mail to the HR VP is in order.
        Classic drunk coach response who doesn't have kids. Not saying parents need to be overbearing and involved in every aspect. I've seen them. As a paying customer to these Clubs, ah Businesses, I have the right to speak to the coaches or administrators when the product doesn't meet the expectations. If these guys and girls had ANY business sense, they would involve input from parents in order to get feedback and open communication so their customers don't go somewhere else.

        Look at all the Clubs who have failed and are in the process of failing. They were all as incompetent and close minded and then wondered why they fell apart.

        Blackwatch is a perfect example. Now that guy is doing the same thing at NEFC and hasn't bothered to figure out what went wrong, and doesn't seem to care.

        Comment


          #34
          Man...every time someone posts that doesn't agree with coddling your kid, someone thinks it's a coach posting. Maybe some parents don't do the helicopter thing?

          Comment


            #35
            Playing soccer at the competitive levels is not a social thing. One is playing to improve and hopefully win. Who one plays with is not important so long as on the pitch they play as a team. Such is the coach's primary responsibility.

            The coach should immediately pull off the field the prima donna's who only play with their friends.

            A team means working together, it doesn't mean that one has to like anyone on the team.

            In my daughter's case, she never had anyone on her club or HS teams from our town. There was never anyone from her HS on any of her club teams. She didn't play for the social aspects although she did make friends with a couple of young ladies the rest being just acquaintances.

            A lesson that she learned is how to work together with people one doesn't know or necessarily like. It has served her well through college, law school and professionally.

            The social aspects for my sons were a total non-issue. Their only concern was that the players worked together to develop and win. They just wanted to play.

            Comment


              #36
              I'm lucky. My daughter's team has cliques too but my daughter doesn't give a sh!t what anyone says about her.

              Comment


                #37
                Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                I'm lucky. My daughter's team has cliques too but my daughter doesn't give a sh!t what anyone says about her.

                so you think.....perhaps you have made her to scared to express her feelings about something.

                Comment


                  #38
                  Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                  Parents need to teach their children that the best players truly make everyone around them better. That is the sign of an elite, national level player.

                  Parents are the primary problem with developing the toxic behavior. They think their kid is the best, tell them to hold the ball, shoot more, don't pass to so-and-so. Coaches also need to look out for it and shut it down.

                  Stop with the selfish play and jealousy and just play/win as a team.


                  Hmmm. I am not going to agree with you at all. Or, to be more clear, I won't agree with you on your statement about the 'elite, national level player' at any age, but especially for the younger groups (U15 and under).

                  I won't ever tell my child to bow to the best player on the team. I will always encourage my child to be the best that he can be. I do agree that parents need to be realistic in their expectations, however, if I think my kid can be the best then I will absolutely encourage them to do so. I will absolutely build their confidence......and until a certain age, I will encourage them to be creative with the ball whenever they can. The better or best players have always hogged the ball. That is the only way to learn how to handle the ball and, to ultimately, after getting tackled enough times, to learn when to get rid of it.

                  Team??? That isn't important, or at least it is not the highest priority until > U15.

                  Comment


                    #39
                    Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                    Hmmm. I am not going to agree with you at all. Or, to be more clear, I won't agree with you on your statement about the 'elite, national level player' at any age, but especially for the younger groups (U15 and under).

                    I won't ever tell my child to bow to the best player on the team. I will always encourage my child to be the best that he can be. I do agree that parents need to be realistic in their expectations, however, if I think my kid can be the best then I will absolutely encourage them to do so. I will absolutely build their confidence......and until a certain age, I will encourage them to be creative with the ball whenever they can. The better or best players have always hogged the ball. That is the only way to learn how to handle the ball and, to ultimately, after getting tackled enough times, to learn when to get rid of it.

                    Team??? That isn't important, or at least it is not the highest priority until > U15.
                    I'm sure your kid is popular with his/her teammates...
                    And you must be a huge hit on the sidelines.
                    Valeo parent?

                    Comment


                      #40
                      Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                      Classic drunk coach response who doesn't have kids. Not saying parents need to be overbearing and involved in every aspect. I've seen them. As a paying customer to these Clubs, ah Businesses, I have the right to speak to the coaches or administrators when the product doesn't meet the expectations. If these guys and girls had ANY business sense, they would involve input from parents in order to get feedback and open communication so their customers don't go somewhere else.

                      Look at all the Clubs who have failed and are in the process of failing. They were all as incompetent and close minded and then wondered why they fell apart.

                      Blackwatch is a perfect example. Now that guy is doing the same thing at NEFC and hasn't bothered to figure out what went wrong, and doesn't seem to care.
                      And what exactly are those expectations and how do you know they're even in the ballpark.
                      And nobody gives a damn about expectations, cliques, or social drama if their kid plays and the team wins.
                      This whining is always from the bottom third of the team. Period.
                      They should cut all of you before the season starts instead of having you take up space.

                      Comment


                        #41
                        Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                        Hmmm. I am not going to agree with you at all. Or, to be more clear, I won't agree with you on your statement about the 'elite, national level player' at any age, but especially for the younger groups (U15 and under).

                        I won't ever tell my child to bow to the best player on the team. I will always encourage my child to be the best that he can be. I do agree that parents need to be realistic in their expectations, however, if I think my kid can be the best then I will absolutely encourage them to do so. I will absolutely build their confidence......and until a certain age, I will encourage them to be creative with the ball whenever they can. The better or best players have always hogged the ball. That is the only way to learn how to handle the ball and, to ultimately, after getting tackled enough times, to learn when to get rid of it.

                        Team??? That isn't important, or at least it is not the highest priority until > U15.
                        I can't say I disagree with much that you say here. Moving the ball into free space when it's there or taking on a player 1v1 is part of development. I've seen kids called ball hogs way too often for simply being creative or advancing the ball down the field.this.

                        Comment


                          #42
                          Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                          I can't say I disagree with much that you say here. Moving the ball into free space when it's there or taking on a player 1v1 is part of development. I've seen kids called ball hogs way too often for simply being creative or advancing the ball down the field.this.
                          A ball hog will never stop at just one. They will dribble until ball is lost. And it is usually far from creative.

                          Comment


                            #43
                            Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                            A ball hog will never stop at just one. They will dribble until ball is lost. And it is usually far from creative.
                            A non ball hog can be far from creative as well at times as well (even in the pros). It's a learning process at the u-littles and has ups and downs. I agree with you on the kid who has 1 defender on them, then 2, then 3, then 4 etc as they're going down the field and there's no evidence that they realize there's 7 or 10 other kids on their team they could make a pass to.

                            Comment


                              #44
                              It's disgusting to read some of the responses to the OP's letter to coach. This behavior is quite common, and it's the coach who is ultimately responsible. It's not uncommon for a coach to encourage this sort of behavior by also showing favoritism. A good coach bears the responsibility to set an environment where behavior like this will not be tolerated. A good coach can easily spot players not passing to specific individuals or only passing to their buddies and steps in. A good coach speaks to the team about this issue and encourages players to speak up if they see any of this going on. A good coach acts on players not heeding the warning not to engage in this sort of behavior.

                              I'd like to hear from coaches on this issue and their thoughts.

                              Comment


                                #45
                                Originally posted by Unregistered View Post
                                It's disgusting to read some of the responses to the OP's letter to coach. This behavior is quite common, and it's the coach who is ultimately responsible. It's not uncommon for a coach to encourage this sort of behavior by also showing favoritism. A good coach bears the responsibility to set an environment where behavior like this will not be tolerated. A good coach can easily spot players not passing to specific individuals or only passing to their buddies and steps in. A good coach speaks to the team about this issue and encourages players to speak up if they see any of this going on. A good coach acts on players not heeding the warning not to engage in this sort of behavior.

                                I'd like to hear from coaches on this issue and their thoughts.
                                We are aware of the issue and do all we can to address it. Like teacher's there are many things beyond our control such as carpools, and ice cream stops that reinforce the cliques.

                                The issue most posters had is that Email is too long. They are right. I wouldnt give that cat milk. Deleted.

                                Comment

                                Previously entered content was automatically saved. Restore or Discard.
                                Auto-Saved
                                x
                                Insert: Thumbnail Small Medium Large Fullsize Remove  
                                x
                                Working...
                                X