Are all HS teams so dysfunctional?

[Unregistered]

A number of the players on my son's HS team truly do not like each other. This shows up on the field with players not passing to certain players, and has had an effect on the success of the team. Is this normal? I was wondering if it had to do with the various ages of players on the team (majority are juniors with the rest split between seniors, sophomores and freshmen) but my son thinks it is because of the wide range of ability on the team. This has not been our experience with his club team, so I am wondering if it is the norm.

[Unregistered]

A number of the players on my son's HS team truly do not like each other. This shows up on the field with players not passing to certain players, and has had an effect on the success of the team. Is this normal? I was wondering if it had to do with the various ages of players on the team (majority are juniors with the rest split between seniors, sophomores and freshmen) but my son thinks it is because of the wide range of ability on the team. This has not been our experience with his club team, so I am wondering if it is the norm.

This is about this specific team culture, which is to say the combo of the school, the coach, the captains and the players. It is not about HS per say, or the range of talent. At their best, HS teams are like family with the older (and/or better) mentoring, not snubbing, the younger (and/or weaker) players. In club everyone is the same age with similar skills, and there can be huge competition between equal players for the playing time and leadership roles. HS can assign the leadership roles to the older players, thereby creating a natural hierarchy that makes sense.

Your son's team sounds like it has a poisonous team culture, for whatever reason, though I would start by looking at the coach. I'm not sure I would consider this a team worth being part of until some changes are made.

[Unregistered]

Definitely depends on the mix of kids. Unfortunately, many coaches aren't around enough to notice or put an end to problems like this. Sounds more like a girl team ;-) My daughter's team is very supportive from top down. It is a great experience. But even with this nice situation, we have a girl that won't pass to another girl due to some boyfriend garbage. She has been spoken to on the field when an open opportunity was missed. Of course the coach has no idea why. Just don't get caught up in the drama. Your kid need to go out and play the game. Hopefully the bad seeds will graduate or get cut next year!

[Unregistered]

This is about this specific team culture, which is to say the combo of the school, the coach, the captains and the players. It is not about HS per say, or the range of talent. At their best, HS teams are like family with the older (and/or better) mentoring, not snubbing, the younger (and/or weaker) players. In club everyone is the same age with similar skills, and there can be huge competition between equal players for the playing time and leadership roles. HS can assign the leadership roles to the older players, thereby creating a natural hierarchy that makes sense.

Your son's team sounds like it has a poisonous team culture, for whatever reason, though I would start by looking at the coach. I'm not sure I would consider this a team worth being part of until some changes are made.

I would agree... look to the coach to nip this sort of thing in the bud. Also, the team captains should be all over that! Hopefully the team captains aren't part of the problem in your particular case. Sometimes it only takes one or two bad apples to poison the whole team. We had that on my daughter's club team (so not specific to HS). One girl who had a horrible attitude (was sooooo much better than everyone else). She would cry and throw things when she got subbed out. She would mouth off at the coach and other players, etc... One of our best players, but it was a relief when she left. She is now some other teams problem! And she WILL be their problem.... No doubt about it.

[Unregistered]

A number of the players on my son's HS team truly do not like each other. This shows up on the field with players not passing to certain players, and has had an effect on the success of the team. Is this normal? I was wondering if it had to do with the various ages of players on the team (majority are juniors with the rest split between seniors, sophomores and freshmen) but my son thinks it is because of the wide range of ability on the team. This has not been our experience with his club team, so I am wondering if it is the norm.

I am guessing this is the Provincetown HS team.

[Unregistered]

Same as my daughters team.

[Unregistered]

I would agree... look to the coach to nip this sort of thing in the bud. Also, the team captains should be all over that! Hopefully the team captains aren't part of the problem in your particular case. Sometimes it only takes one or two bad apples to poison the whole team. We had that on my daughter's club team (so not specific to HS). One girl who had a horrible attitude (was sooooo much better than everyone else). She would cry and throw things when she got subbed out. She would mouth off at the coach and other players, etc... One of our best players, but it was a relief when she left. She is now some other teams problem! And she WILL be their problem.... No doubt about it.

I've seen this a few times now. Coaches are reluctant to discipline or force their will on the prima donnas because they feel that player is pivotal to the success of the team. When the prima donnas leave, the team does better.

[Unregistered]

I've seen this a few times now. Coaches are reluctant to discipline or force their will on the prima donnas because they feel that player is pivotal to the success of the team. When the prima donnas leave, the team does better.

Most qualified coaches would recognize and bring this type of behavior to a halt. They are with the team for far more hours than an equivalent club coach. The caveat is "qualified", as this appears to be a major shortcoming on the high school scene.

[Unregistered]

A number of the players on my son's HS team truly do not like each other. This shows up on the field with players not passing to certain players, and has had an effect on the success of the team. Is this normal? I was wondering if it had to do with the various ages of players on the team (majority are juniors with the rest split between seniors, sophomores and freshmen) but my son thinks it is because of the wide range of ability on the team. This has not been our experience with his club team, so I am wondering if it is the norm.

This can happen on club or HS teams. All it takes is a clique of bad apples (male or female) and the team goes rotten to the core. Things do change. In HS there is a limited group to choose from, but they do graduate and this mixes up the team each year. On the reverse side, for club, there are tryouts, cuts and new faces, but you can still get stuck with an unpleasant hierarchy.

Most club coaches are way better at managing this than HS coaches, though some do make it worse. In HS you also have captains who are supposedly there to solve just this kind of peer problem. Their leadership is key. Lacking that, a talk with the coach is in order . My son has had very good luck with both his HS and club team. If it isn't fun to play with these kids, why bother? Good luck!

[Unregistered]

A number of the players on my son's HS team truly do not like each other. This shows up on the field with players not passing to certain players, and has had an effect on the success of the team. Is this normal? I was wondering if it had to do with the various ages of players on the team (majority are juniors with the rest split between seniors, sophomores and freshmen) but my son thinks it is because of the wide range of ability on the team. This has not been our experience with his club team, so I am wondering if it is the norm.

My son had this issue with his senior year. I think his expectations were very high and they had played together for SOOOO long. These were all his best friends, all on 1 team, all with very strong personalities. They had always competed against each other for top dog. I found with them they beat the crap out of each other or curse each other out and it would be over. When it came to the game, it usually stayed off the field. And no the coach did not maintain control, he did not have the personality to put these dopes in their places, my son included. Sounds like some players on your son's team don't want anyone else to shine.

[Unregistered]

My son had this issue with his senior year. I think his expectations were very high and they had played together for SOOOO long. These were all his best friends, all on 1 team, all with very strong personalities. They had always competed against each other for top dog. I found with them they beat the crap out of each other or curse each other out and it would be over. When it came to the game, it usually stayed off the field. And no the coach did not maintain control, he did not have the personality to put these dopes in their places, my son included. Sounds like some players on your son's team don't want anyone else to shine.

I have to admit that if my son and his teammates were beating the crap out of each other to establish top dog status, I would be down that coach's throat. This would get you expelled so fast at my sons school it would make your eyes cross. I thought we left that boys will be boys garbage behind us at least two decades ago!

[Unregistered]

I have to admit that if my son and his teammates were beating the crap out of each other to establish top dog status, I would be down that coach's throat. This would get you expelled so fast at my sons school it would make your eyes cross. I thought we left that boys will be boys garbage behind us at least two decades ago!

well to the coaches defense it was seldom in front of him. I always heard the stories from my son. There was one issue during a game when a couple teammates (1 was my son) got into a swearing/pushing match which continued when they went over to the bench. I did have words for the coach afterwards. He said to me what should he have done? I said they should have been sent off the field to go sit on the bus, they're an embarrassment to the team, the town and the coach should be embarrassed as well. But they were his stars so he tolerated this bs. I wouldn't have.

[Unregistered]

My son had this issue with his senior year. I think his expectations were very high and they had played together for SOOOO long. These were all his best friends, all on 1 team, all with very strong personalities. They had always competed against each other for top dog. I found with them they beat the crap out of each other or curse each other out and it would be over. When it came to the game, it usually stayed off the field. And no the coach did not maintain control, he did not have the personality to put these dopes in their places, my son included. Sounds like some players on your son's team don't want anyone else to shine.

How do you think their behavior got to that level? Could it possibly be linked to their environment?

[Unregistered]

well to the coaches defense it was seldom in front of him. I always heard the stories from my son. There was one issue during a game when a couple teammates (1 was my son) got into a swearing/pushing match which continued when they went over to the bench. I did have words for the coach afterwards. He said to me what should he have done? I said they should have been sent off the field to go sit on the bus, they're an embarrassment to the team, the town and the coach should be embarrassed as well. But they were his stars so he tolerated this bs. I wouldn't have.

What a drag! They should have been thrown in the bus and missed the next two games. This situation was much bigger than you or your player, and the coach and school are totally to blame. The coach is treating these kids like his personal gladiators who are there to win so he can keep his job. No doubt the school has a win or else gun to his head as well. Total poison. At least it's behind you!

[Unregistered]

well to the coaches defense it was seldom in front of him. I always heard the stories from my son. There was one issue during a game when a couple teammates (1 was my son) got into a swearing/pushing match which continued when they went over to the bench. I did have words for the coach afterwards. He said to me what should he have done? I said they should have been sent off the field to go sit on the bus, they're an embarrassment to the team, the town and the coach should be embarrassed as well. But they were his stars so he tolerated this bs. I wouldn't have.

Good for you Dad for being honest about it and not backing your son's behavior. I have tried to teach my kids this lesson from day 1... Act like a fool (mouthing off, berating teammates, disrespecting the coach, etc), you will have to deal with the consequences. If I don't think that the consequences are severe enough from the coach, you will get some extra at home.