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**Unregistered** · 03-30-2010, 09:32 AM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

I am wondering if any person (player or parent) has encountered this with club soccer and specifically with either coaches or the DOC from an organization. Although I find it repulsive, what can a parent do besides the obvious. What happens when that player has left the club/organization and the bullying and defamation continues?

Will let you know at the end of the week. Dealing with it right now!

**Unregistered** · 03-30-2010, 10:11 AM

I think you need to be a little more specific as to what is going on.

**Unregistered** · 03-30-2010, 10:25 AM

Obviously a tragic topic that's in the news. More education and attention is needed to be given to these issues. IMO, a DOC/coach has to walk a fine line when it comes to bullying and intimidation.

In the case of a prior DOC/coach of an organization, that the player is no longer associated, I don't believe a line exists. You simply don't go there.

This can be difficult for parents to deal with, however I think we vastly underestimate the toll and impact this can have on children and teenagers. Good luck.

"Bullying is a form of abuse. It comprises repeated act(s) over time that involves a real or perceived imbalance of power with the more powerful individual or group abusing those who are less powerful. The power imbalance may be social power and/or physical power. The victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a target".

"Stalking is a term commonly used to refer to unwanted attention by individuals (and sometimes groups of people) to others. Stalking behaviors are related to harassment and intimidation".

**Unregistered** · 03-30-2010, 11:53 AM

Are clubs allowed to continue communicating with a player once the player has left the organization? I would think that once a player has left and the release signed, that would be the end of it.

**Unregistered** · 03-30-2010, 12:04 PM

You need to remember that a bully is someone who feels very insecure about themselves and often cannot let go once they have a "victim" in their sites. Typically they are also very sneaky. They know how to intimidate others but will always surround themselves with people to take the fall. They usually know how to do it without leaving a trail back to them so it becomes one person's word against another.

**satirev** · 03-30-2010, 12:43 PM

Mole

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

You need to remember that a bully is someone who feels very insecure about themselves and often cannot let go once they have a "victim" in their sites. Typically they are also very sneaky. They know how to intimidate others but will always surround themselves with people to take the fall. They usually know how to do it without leaving a trail back to them so it becomes one person's word against another.

Sounds like you know a central ma. coach pretty well!

**Unregistered** · 03-30-2010, 12:46 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

I think you need to be a little more specific as to what is going on.

U-13 girls maybe they don't realize how harmful it is. We shall see

**Unregistered** · 03-30-2010, 01:11 PM

I believe the original question of the thread was asking for help on what to do...not whom or what club are they referring.

What options do you have if you have left an organization and a DOC/coach continues to make efforts to make life difficult for the player that has left him club/team?

Legally, is there anything a family can do?

**Cujo** · 03-30-2010, 01:27 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

I believe the original question of the thread was asking for help on what to do...not whom or what club are they referring.

What options do you have if you have left an organization and a DOC/coach continues to make efforts to make life difficult for the player that has left him club/team?

Legally, is there anything a family can do?

It really depends what is happening. Stalking? Harrassment? If it is serious enough speak to the local police - if it falls into those two categories a restraining order should suffice.

Or I could send my wife's cousin "Fat Tony" to have a few words and make them offer.

**Unregistered** · 03-30-2010, 01:39 PM

We've been through it at the younger age groups. Coach was a head case that influenced a lot of parents who should have known better. It was amazing what supposedly "mature" adults are capable of heeping on 11 and 12 year olds. Really just amazing. They were truly bizarre. I wouldn't have believed it if we hadn't experienced it first hand. It was a good thing that we had a sense of humor, because we'd just laughed when we heard the things being said. Not such a laughing matter when the abuse spilled over to games though. Those that knew us well and those involved were quite aware of the truth of the matter which basically came down to, as noted above, insecure adults.

So what do you do? You just keep your head up and avoid any retaliation. Eventually those with class or lacking class are exposed. Trust me on this. People who create these kinds of situations will continue to do what they do and it does eventually catch up with them, because they do develop a reputation.

**Unregistered** · 03-30-2010, 01:54 PM

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

We've been through it at the younger age groups. Coach was a head case that influenced a lot of parents who should have known better. It was amazing what supposedly "mature" adults are capable of heeping on 11 and 12 year olds. Really just amazing. They were truly bizarre. I wouldn't have believed it if we hadn't experienced it first hand. It was a good thing that we had a sense of humor, because we'd just laughed when we heard the things being said. Not such a laughing matter when the abuse spilled over to games though. Those that knew us well and those involved were quite aware of the truth of the matter which basically came down to, as noted above, insecure adults.

So what do you do? You just keep your head up and avoid any retaliation. Eventually those with class or lacking class are exposed. Trust me on this. People who create these kinds of situations will continue to do what they do and it does eventually catch up with them, because they do develop a reputation.

�You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.�

**Unregistered** · 03-30-2010, 03:59 PM

[QUOTE=Unregistered;284340]Obviously a tragic topic that's in the news. More education and attention is needed to be given to these issues. IMO, a DOC/coach has to walk a fine line when it comes to bullying and intimidation.

A fine line? That line should be as broad as the Atlantic Ocean. Any hint of either bullying or intimidation by a coach or DOC should/has to be dealt with quickly and directly.

The fact that this behavior has continued even after separation worries me. This kind of obsessive behavior has to be taken care of immediately. This is not something that you do by yourself. If you have any police friends, ask for their help, you should be able to stop this obnoxious behavior in one meeting.

**Unregistered** · 03-30-2010, 04:01 PM

[QUOTE=Unregistered;284765]

Originally posted by Unregistered View Post

Obviously a tragic topic that's in the news. More education and attention is needed to be given to these issues. IMO, a DOC/coach has to walk a fine line when it comes to bullying and intimidation.

A fine line? That line should be as broad as the Atlantic Ocean. Any hint of either bullying or intimidation by a coach or DOC should/has to be dealt with quickly and directly.

The fact that this behavior has continued even after separation worries me. This kind of obsessive behavior has to be taken care of immediately. This is not something that you do by yourself. If you have any police friends, ask for their help, you should be able to stop this obnoxious behavior in one meeting.

That is never going to happen, because it is a "he said, she said" type of thing in most cases.